


One Chance

by zsomeone



Series: 636 [3]
Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-31
Updated: 2012-08-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:31:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki's rescue from Magnus, and recovery</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Chance

**Author's Note:**

> After the band hears from Magnus, Skwisgaar convinces Jamie to help him go to try to rescue Toki on their own.

Jamie slipped into Skwisgaar’s room and shut the door. “Hey, what’s up? What did he say?”  
Skwisgaar was pacing back and forth in front of his window, he didn’t stop. “He ams saysing dat we all meets him dere tomorrows and he gives us Toki back.”  
“Well that’s good news, right?”  
“No! I knows how he ams, I knows what he ams plannings! He wants to kills him in fronts of us, dat stupids revenge t’ing! _Den_ he gives him back.” He finally stopped pacing and faced Jamie. “But I gots an ideas, and I needs you’s help.”  
Jamie crossed his arms. “Tell me.”

~ _an hour later_ ~

They headed down to the garages together, Jamie wearing his hood and carrying a spare belt in a bag. He needed to be just another gear until they were safely away from the haus.  
Picking an SUV for the roomy backseat, they climbed in and headed out. They were stopped at the gate of course, but Skwisgaar was the boss (one of them anyway) and they were allowed to pass.  
It was a two hour drive to the location they’d been given, and they were hoping Magnus hadn’t lied about being alone there. He’d sworn that if he was ambushed Toki would die, and they believed him. Tomorrow the band would go. Tonight, Skwisgaar would get there first.

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want me to do this? I’m the actor after all, and he’s not going to know the difference.”  
“I’s sure, I has to be de one dat does it. For whats he dids to Toki...”  
Jamie pulled the truck over, removed his hood and stuffed it in the glove box. He shook out his hair and put on the belt. “Okay, but if you change your mind just give me some sign and I’ll take over.”  
Skwisgaar just nodded, he had no plans to change his mind. He just hoped Toki would be alert enough not to give Jamie away.   
They rode the rest of the way in silence.

The building was surprisingly difficult to find, even with the directions Skwisgaar had stolen and their GPS. It was hard to tell what it’s original purpose had been, but now it looked like some odd shed/house hybrid. The blinds were closed, but there was a light on and no sign of guards.  
Jamie put the truck in park and shut it off. “If we don’t make it out, it was nice knowing you.”  
Skwisgaar just nodded, and they both got out and went to the door. Skwisgaar knocked and they stepped back, assuming that Magnus would be too curious about there being two of them to waste them on sight.

Magnus cracked the door, leaving the chain on. “I said tomorrow! What is the meaning of this?!”  
“I comes to talks to you wit’out de udders. I wants to t’anks you, if you didn’ts take dat stupid Toki aways den I would never has gots to has dis clones.”  
“ _Thank_ me?” The door briefly closed, then opened fully. “Okay I want to hear this, you might as well come in. Both of you.”  
Jamie held out his hand. “Hellos Magnus, I ams Skwisgaar too. I’s heard so much abouts you.”  
“You named him after yourself? Isn’t that confusing?”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “He ams me, and dat ams mine name.”

Inside, the building was very open. There were a couple doors on one side that probably led to a bathroom or closets, a ratty couch, a chair, and a couple beds against the back wall. A tiny kitchenette was in the far corner.  
And Toki was on one of the beds, he was awake but looked terrible. Skwisgaar wondered if he really could go through with this, it was going to be harder than he’d thought. Jamie could do it... But no. They had once chance here, if they failed he wanted no one to blame but himself.  
Magnus took the chair, motioning for them to it on the couch. They did so, as he looked back and forth between them in awe. Somehow, Skwisgaar really had cloned himself!

“Okay Skwisgaar, tell me why you’re here.”  
“Because you calls and says dat you ams givings Toki back tomorrows. I don’ts wants him back, all he does is drags de band down.”  
Magnus considered this. “I don’t believe you.”  
“I didn’t t’inks you woulds, but it ams de truth. I gots dis guy now, he ams the bestest too, and we don’ts need nobodies else.”  
“Well maybe I should just kill him right now then, how about that?” Magnus pulled out his ever-present knife, caressing the blade.  
Skwisgaar didn’t hesitate. “I wish you woulds! You has no idea how much I hates him!”

Magnus turned to the other Skwisgaar. What about you, do you want him dead too?”  
“I never even meets de guy, why de fucks woulds I care abouts him? But I wants to plays wit’ Dethklok, and if dey gets him back, dey amsn’t goings to lets me. So ja, kills him, fines wit’ me.”  
“You’re both sure?” Magnus’ grin was taking on that familiar homicidal edge.  
Skwisgaar nodded. “I hates him more dan you can even imagines.” He _really_ hoped Toki was listening, nobody else knew how they used that word, what it meant to them.

“Let’s do this! It’s not what I originally had in mind, but I like it!” He stood and walked back to loom over Toki, who tried unsuccessfully to cringe away. He held the knife high, and paused. “You’re serious. You’re not going to stop me?”  
It was show time, and Skwisgaar was determined to get through this. “Actuallies, can I does it? I wants to, and it amsn’t like dey’s going to ever pins it on me.”  
“I guess you grew some balls since the old days!” He considered it. “Yeah, it would be pretty sweet to watch you kill him.”  
Other Skwisgaar stood up. “Cans I watches too?”  
“Ja I don’ts care, comes over here.”

Jamie moved in close to watch, and Magnus handed the knife over to Skwisgaar.  
Skwisgaar took a deep breath, focusing on Toki’s side because he couldn’t bear to look him in the face. He should say something, it was probably expected. “Toki, you ams a big crybaby dildos and I really really really _hates_ you so much.” He raised the knife high like Magnus had. It was all about speed now, if he wasn’t fast enough they were all fucked.  
Well he would just have to be fast enough, after all, this was the most important performance of his life.  
Skwisgaar brought the knife down, swerving at the last second and driving it into Magnus instead.

Magnus punched him hard, knocking him back to stumble into the corner of the bed and fall to the floor. Yanking the knife free, a still way too alive Magnus pounced.  
But Jamie was there, kicking him off target and making him drop the knife, and together they subdued him.  
While Jamie attached Magnus to the chair with some duct tape he’d found, Skwisgaar went to Toki. He really didn’t look good at all, but at least he was alive. Skwisgaar lay a gentle hand on one too warm cheek. “Toki?”  
“Hi Skwisgaar.” Toki leaned into the hand weakly, trying to smile. “I hates you too.”

“Hey Skwisgaar, what do you want to do with this bastard?” He’d even taped Magnus’s mouth shut, a nice touch.  
“He ams mine. Takes Toki to de trucks and waits for me, dis won’ts take long.”  
Jamie shook his head. “No, I’m afraid I’ll hurt him if I try. We'll take him together, then you can do whatever you have to.” He walked over. “Hi Toki, you’re not looking so hot.”  
“Hi Jamie. I’s been betters.”  
Carefully, they eased Toki to his feet and carried him out. They worked him into the back seat, it wasn’t long enough for him to completely stretch out but big enough to not be uncomfortable.  
Jamie climbed back into the driver’s seat and Skwisgaar went back inside.

He wasn’t gone long, he was too worried about getting Toki to the doctors to draw it out but he still made Magnus deeply regret ever existing in the first place.  
Covered in blood that wasn’t his own, Skwisgaar climbed silently into the truck and they headed for home.  
Other than worried glances into the back seat to make sure Toki was hanging in there, they didn’t interact.  
A few miles from Mordhaus, Skwisgaar finally spoke. “Jays, t’anks for helpsing us. Wit’out you dere too, he probablies would has killeds us both.”  
“I’m just relieved your crazy plan actually worked.”

Back in the garage, Jamie put on his hood and slipped away.  
After calling for help, Skwisgaar moved to stand in the now open back door at Toki’s head. “Dey’s going to fixes you all ups, don’ts worry.”  
“Nots worried, you saves me. Stays with me?”  
“Dey’s not going to lets me be in dere if dey does surgery, but when I cans be, I stays.”  
Toki slowly reached up a hand and Skwisgaar took it, lacing their fingers together. When the medics came and loaded him on a stretcher, Skwisgaar walked alongside still holding his hand.  
Everything would be okay.


	2. Bedside Manner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A followup, because Charles is fucking pissed off and wants to have his say. And for lots of other reasons too.  
> This jumps between characters, but should be easy enough to follow.

Skwisgaar was sitting in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs when Charles charged into the room. Although he only threw a stern glance in his direction before consultation with the staff, Skwisgaar knew the shitfest was coming.  
Sure enough, he was soon standing before him with a rare look of rage. “Skwisgaar, my office. _Now_.” He turned and walked out, clearly expecting to be followed.  
With a sigh, Skwisgaar got up and went after him, he wouldn’t be allowed to see Toki again for a while anyway so he might as well get this over with.

Once they reached the office, Charles locked the door. “We had a plan!”  
“I hads a betters one.”  
“Don’t you realize you could have been killed?! You must have gotten lucky and snuck him out somehow. Magnus is insane, who knows what he’ll try next!”  
“He won’ts try not’ing, he ams dead.”  
“Are you sure of that? He’s fooled us before!”  
“I kills him mineself. He ams _dead_.”

Skwisgaar was realizing that Charles didn’t know Jamie had been a part of this, and it would be best to keep it that way. They’d been checked by a gate guard on the way out, but it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to get a ride part way and then ditch the gear with them (often leaving them to walk home), so he was probably still covered.  
Charles appeared to be thinking. “When Toki’s out of surgery he’s going to need to rest. I don’t want any of you bothering him, and I’ll be giving orders to keep everyone but essential personal out so don’t even try it.” He checked his watch. “Did you dispose of the body?”  
“No, I was more worrieds about Toki. You ams actings like you’s mad dat he ams okay.”

“Well he’s not okay by a long shot, and of course I’m glad he’s been recovered, but do you even realize the risk you exposed yourself to? Do you?!” He threw his hands up. “Look, I’ll call a band meeting when I hear from the doctors, don’t run off anywhere.” He left the room.  
Skwisgaar went to his own room, thinking. It was rare for the manager to give orders barring a band member, but that wasn’t something they could just override.  
He pulled out his phone and made a call. “Heys, de next time I calls you, don’ts says a word.” Knowing that was good enough, he hung up without waiting for a reply.  
He’d promised Toki he would stay with him and he intended to do that, it was just going to be trickier that he’d thought...

Two hours later, they were all gathered at the table.  
Hiding his phone in his lap, Skwisgaar pressed redial by feel. De didn’t dare look down, but he used his phone in the dark a lot and knew where the buttons were.  
Charles began. “Earlier tonight, Toki was recovered from Magnus’ hiding place. I know we were planning to go there tomorrow, but the important thing is that we have Toki back. He’s made it through surgery okay, but has a fairly serious infection and will need a lot of antibiotics and rest to heal. Therefore, none of you will be allowed to visit him until further notice. Don’t even try, the gears have been authorized to turn you away and there will be a guard posted inside at all times who will unlock the door for medical staff only.” He looked around, waiting for the objections that didn’t come. “Okay, meeting dismissed.”

Charles left, but they sat there at the table a while longer. Skwisgaar hit disconnect on his phone, knowing that Jamie had heard everything they had. He would know what needed to be done, if he could manage it.  
Pickles scratched his nose. “Well, we gat Toki back. Thet’s good, I jest wonder why tha plan changed.”  
“Yeah me too! I was looking forward to kicking that motherfucker’s ass tomorrow!”  
“De plan wouldn’t has worked.”  
“Of coursche it would have! It wasch a great plan!”  
“I don’ts t’ink it would has.”

Nathan was just sad he didn’t get to beat Magnus to death. Or maybe he still could? “He didn’t say anything about Magnus, maybe he got away or something. Huh, that would explain the security.”  
Skwisgaar assumed that the manager wouldn’t believe Magnus was dead until he saw it with his own eyes, but he just shrugged.  
“Well doods, I guess we can werk on thet last song some.”  
“No, nots wit’out Toki.” Skwisgaar wouldn’t have minded the distraction, but he had other plans.  
Murderface, being bad an this sort of thing, just got up and wandered out.

*****

Charles pulled up to Magnus’ hideout and got out of the car, there was no one in sight. Gun drawn and moving carefully just in case, he eased his way to the door and slipped inside.  
It was immediately clear that he had no need of the gun. _Skwisgaar_ had done this?! He wouldn’t have though he was capable of such brutality. At a glance it was hard to be sure it even was Magnus, but on closer inspection, the clothes, hair, and that dead eye staring out from the exposed skull of what had once been a face confirmed it.  
He’d cut the man’s face off while he was still alive, judging by the amount of blood. His chest was slashed to ribbons as well, in some areas the skin had completely fallen away to reveal the muscle and bone beneath.

Despite all the blood, these cuts had also not been fatal. Magnus’ knife was buried to the hilt in his cold heart, Skwisgaar had either finally shown mercy or run out of time and Charles was betting against it being mercy.  
He noticed a stab wound further down, the blood had hidden it. That must have been where Skwisgaar struck first, it didn’t look like an incapacitating wound but it might have been enough.  
He would take the body back to Mordland for disposal, that would be the safest way to go. The building itself he was prepared to burn to the ground. Cutting the binding tape, Charles dragged Magnus out set him down. Opening the trunk and removing two full five gallon gas cans, then stowed the corpse in the plastic lined trunk of his car.  
Back inside he poured the gas, taking care to douse all the blood, both Magnus’ and Toki’s. There would be no DNA left to find, if anybody even thought to look. Lighting it, he got in his car and headed for home.

*****

After receiving the call, Skwisgaar met Jamie in his room.  
Jamie shoved a hood and a gun belt into his hands, reaching for the skull belt Skwisgaar was already stripping off. “I got it set up, but hurry. You’re supposed to be there in five minutes.”  
“I can makes it.” Skwisgaar put a band in his hair and stuffed it down the back of his shirt, it wasn’t a great look but was the way their long haired employees wore theirs. He put on the hood and the weapon.  
“Skwisgaar? I doubt many people will speak to you, but try to remember to say ‘yes’ if they ask you questions.” They exchanged cell phones.  
“Ja, okay. Fucks! _Yes_.” Leaving Jamie to stand in his place, Skwisgaar went to report for guard duty.

The hulking hallway guard stopped him. “You’re the other guard? What’s your number?”  
He forced himself to speak a clearly as he could. “Six three six.” He knew this gear, but didn’t dare let his true identity be known.  
The guard checked something on a clipboard and nodded. “You stay in there and lock the door. When anybody comes in, and I mean _anybody_ , you check them and you keep an eye on them. Understand me?”  
“Yes.”   
“If you even _think_ what they’re doing doesn’t feel right, kill them. We can always get more staff. Now get in there.”  
Skwisgaar nodded, he had thought the danger was over but now he wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t a great shot, but it would be close range in the small room and he could hardly miss if it came to that. 

The room was indeed small, but big enough for two beds and a chair. There was no window of course, for security reasons, but there was a tiny bathroom with only a sink, toilet, and shower stall so small he wondered if he could even wash himself effectively in it.  
And of course, there was Toki. He was either still unconscious or asleep, an IV running into one arm and a sheet pulled up to his chest. But he was safe and alive, that was all that mattered.  
Skwisgaar pulled the chair beside the bed and sat, taking Toki’s hand. “I knows you can’ts hears me, but I ams here wit’ you. I tolds you I woulds stays, so I finds a way.”  
In this locked room where he had to allow entrance, it was safe to remove the hood. He left his hair as it was though, for quicker rehooding when necessary.

*****

Jamie was watching tv with the band, they had been told that they would get updates whenever there was something to report. And since waiting around sucked balls, they were watching some History Channel documentary. Something about steel working, there were lots of sparks and molten metal. And, you know, metal was metal and therefore acceptable watching.  
Nathan opened another beer. “I still think maybe we should practice some, so we’re ready.”  
“Nots wit’out Toki.” Skwisgaar had told him about that part, and it wasn’t like _he_ could practice anyway.  
“Dood, you always record over his parts anyway...”  
“I says no. And hands me anudder beer.”  
Murderface tossed him one.

*****

Charles had been thinking the whole way home about the best way to dispose of the body. This bastard didn’t rate a funeral, and with burying there was always a risk of discovery in the future. He need to disappear for good.  
A yard wolf darted in front of his car, making him brake hard and giving him an idea. They had an industrial meat grinder they used to process wolf food. Of course the wolves would happily eat it in chunks, but when it was ground, bones and all, there was nothing left when they were done. It was much cleaner than in the old days when they used to have to rake up bones every few weeks to keep things tidy.  
He called ahead, making sure there would only be one “disposable” employee working in that part.

The employee was waiting, and helped him carry the ex-lunatic inside the processing area. Together they stripped the body, tossing the clothes into the waiting fireplace. The belt buckle wouldn’t burn of course, so Charles put it in his pocket instead, maybe he’d keep it for a souvenir.  
He cut off the hair and burned it was as well, filling the room with a horrid stench. The wolves wouldn’t want to eat that, so there was no point mixing it in.  
Finally ready, they attached the body to a hoist and positioned it over the grinder. Lowering it slowly, they turned Magnus into two bins of wolf chow. The bins were marked to be used in the morning, and then the unfortunate employee had an “accident” where he “tripped and fell” on a meat hook, driving it deep into his brain.

Knowing the day shift employees would either process the corpse or dispose of him in another manner, Charles went to clean up and check on Toki.  
A shower was first, he stank of blood, gasoline, and burning hair. Standing under the spray, he scrubbed himself twice to be thorough, some smells resisted washing off. Deciding he was good, Charles shut off the water, dried, dressed, and headed down to the medical wing.  
He recognized the hallway gear on sight, even with the hood the man’s size and heavy build were distinctive. Good, that was the one he’d requested be placed here. “I assume the other guard has arrived?”  
“Yep, right on time. I gave him the instructions.”  
Charles nodded, and knocked on the door.

*****

Skwisgaar yanked his hood back on, drew his gun, and went to the door. Cracking it, he was startled to see Charles instead of some random medical staff. He was very worried that he would be either recognized or taken for Jamie, which would also be bad.  
But Charles ignored him, going to the bed and looking Toki over. He checked the monitors as if he knew how to read them (maybe he did) and then just stood in silence.  
Not knowing what to do, Skwisgaar stood against the wall out of the way. He did put his gun away though.  
After a few moments of silence, Charles nodded to him and left the room. Skwisgaar relocked the door behind him.

Removing the hood again and sitting back down, he pulled the chair closer to the bed and took Toki’s hand again. Then he leaned forward and rested his head on his other arm, it had been a long night already. There would probably be no more visits until morning, he could probably go to the spare bed and get some sleep, but not just yet.  
He felt Toki lightly squeeze his hand and looked up, Toki was awake and looking at him!  
Toki blinked, trying to make his eyes focus. “Jamie?”  
“No, ams me.”  
“ _Skwisgaar_. You reallies did stays with me.”  
“I tolds you I woulds. Ams you okay? Does you needs pain stuffs or anyt’ing?”

Toki shifted a little, testing, and made a face. “Noes, I thinks they has something in that bag thing. Lays up here with me?”  
The bed wasn’t very big. “I don’ts wants to be hurtsing you.”  
“You won’ts. And I feels better if you does, pleeeease?”  
He did seem a little high, that was good. “Alrights, if you insists.” He carefully got on the bed, stretching out on his left side at the very edge, facing Toki. They did both fit, but barely. The odds of him falling out of bed if he slept were pretty high, but falling on the floor wouldn’t kill him if it happened.

“You can touches me, I’s not goings to break. And I prefers that you does it.”  
Skwisgaar bent one knee, putting his leg over Toki’s. He wasn’t sure where he could safely put his arm though, it seemed that Toki’s whole middle was wrapped. “Heres, you puts mine arm wherevers you wants it.”  
Toki grinned. “Oh boy I coulds takes advantage of that!” He sighed. “But I’s not ups to it.” He pulled the arm high across his chest and closed his eyes.  
Skwisgaar thought he’d gone back to sleep, but then he spoke again.  
“I knew what you meants backs there, what you says in fronts of Magnus. I knew what you reallies meants. Takk.”

They lay in silence for a while, and Skwisgaar was almost asleep when Toki spoke yet again.  
“Skwisgaar? You still awakes?”  
“Mmm, kinds of. Whats you needs?”  
“Can I has a goodnights kiss? It woulds helps me sleeps!”  
“Pfft.” Skwisgaar opened his eyes, meeting Toki’s hopeful ones. “You ams jus’ makings excuses, but fine, I does it anyways.” He pushed himself up a little and kissed Toki on the forehead.  
Toki was pouting now. “That’s nots what I-“  
“I knows.” Skwisgaar kissed him on the lips. He kept it brief, they were both very tired and Toki was slightly high on whatever pain meds they were dripping into him. That didn’t make it any less sweet though.  
Soon they slept, and Skwisgaar managed to not fall out of bed.

He awoke to sharp knocking, according to the clock on the wall it was morning. _early_ morning unfortunately, but the rest of the world didn’t run on his personal schedule. Untangling himself from Toki who unfortunately also woke, Skwisgaar pulled on the hood, checked his hair, and answered the door.  
It was a doctor and a nurse, and they showed him their official IDs. The nurse was carrying a couple food trays. Once allowed in, they checked Toki’s bandages, took his temperature, and changed his hanging IV bag of whatever it was. The nurse opened a tray table and pulled it to the bed, placing the trays on it.  
Skwisgaar stood out of the way and watched, one hand on his gun like a good gear would do. He wasn’t worried, but had an imitation image to maintain.

Then the nurse produced a odd shaped bottle type thing. “Do you need to urinate?”  
Toki blushed. “Um, yeah?”  
She whipped back the sheet and took his penis, placing it in the mouth of the bottle. “Alright, go ahead.”  
Toki closed his eyes, embarrassed, and Skwisgaar tried not to smile until he remembered he was wearing a hood and nobody could see it anyway. That was the only good thing about wearing these things, you didn’t have to watch your expressions.  
Once Toki finally managed to pee in the bottle, the nurse disposed of the contents in the bathroom. The staff left the room and Skwisgaar locked the door.

“I thinks that nurse just molesteds me.”  
“Pfft, dat don’ts count. Jus’ waits til you gets a sponge baths.”  
“Ooh, sounds funs. You thinks I can requests a hot nurse for that?”  
Skwisgaar laughed. “I guess you can asks... you probablies has to takes whoevers dey gives you t’ough.”  
They opened the trays and ate the food, it wasn’t anything special but it wasn’t bad. Then Skwisgaar moved the table out of the way again, and sat back in the chair. Waiting around was pretty boring, but he’d asked for it. Maybe they could get a tv in here?

His phone rang, and seeing that it was Jamie he put it on speaker.  
“Hey, how’s he doing?”  
Toki grinned. “Hi Jamie! I gots Skwisgaar to sleeps with me!”  
“Fucks, Toki! Jays, he don’ts means it likes dat.”  
“I know what he means. Congratulations, kid.”  
That didn’t sound good. “I means he really don’ts means it likes dat!”  
“Skwisgaar, I’m aware of how he feels about you even if you pretend to ignore it. Don’t worry, I’m not accusing you of taking advantage of him in his current state.”

Deciding to change the subject, or at least try to, Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. “How ams de udders taksing it?”  
“Well they don’t know much. Charles did hold a small meeting this morning to tell us that Magnus was dead and gone forever, but I think he’s still worried about the rest of the Revengencers. He’s got a point there, we don’t really know if he was working alone.”  
“I never sees anybody else after he takes me, and he didn’ts call nobody except when he calls here.”  
“That’s encouraging. And as far as I can tell, Charles still has no idea I was involved. Look, I have to go now but I’ll call back when I can.”  
“Ja okay, you does dat.” Funny, the only band member getting information wasn’t even really a band member.  
“Bye Jamie!”

An orderly of some sort knocked, and Skwisgaar handed out the empty food trays at her request.  
Toki was quiet, napping on and off while Skwisgaar passed the time playing some games Jamie had on his phone. He wasn’t very good, it might have helped if there were any instructions but maybe not. He was going to need a phone charger of they stayed here much longer, but the dethphones all used the same kind. Pretty much anybody would have one to loan him if he asked.  
Around lunch time they had visitors again, and got more food.  
Toki did not get a sponge bath, at least not yet.  
And then they were alone again.

*****

Charles was in his office doing research, he didn’t know if the threat was over or not. Magnus was gone forever, and there had been no word about Abigail so she was presumed dead, but the masked man was still out there somewhere.  
He was interrupted by Dethklok, all of them.  
“Hey! We wanna see Toki, you have to let us go see him!” Nathan was determined, and the others were nodding their agreement.  
Charles considered it, he really wanted Toki left alone but it might be best for everyone if he allowed a brief visit. “Fine, but five minutes only! You can all see that he’s alive and then you will leave him alone for as long as he’s in the hospital, do we have a deal?”  
It was kind of a shit deal, but they reluctantly agreed.

*****

Skwisgaar was very surprised and worried to see Charles and the whole band at the door. When nobody was looking, Jamie gave him a sympathetic look.  
Toki was happy to see everyone, even though none of them really knew what to say in this situation.  
Pickles looked around the room, his gaze passing over Skwisgaar with no notice. “Hey, he needs a tv in here! Git him a tv!”  
Charles made a note. “Very well, I’ll get right on it.”  
Skwisgaar smiled under his hood, good they were getting a tv and he didn’t even have to ask for it. But his smile vanished when Nathan turned to him. “Hey you! You better take care of Toki or I’ll fucking break you in half, you skinny fuck. You understand me?”  
“Yes.” Nathan didn’t know who he was.

“Nathan, don’t threaten the guard. Times up guys, let’s go! Come on, everybody out!”  
Grumbling and complaining, they let themselves be herded out.  
Skwisgaar locked the door and turned back to Toki, who had closed his eyes again. Seeing people really did seem to tire him out somehow, that was weird. Or maybe it was normal, he really had no idea.  
“Skwisgaar? What dids you does to Magnus?”  
“Trusts me, you don’ts really wants to be knowings.”  
“ _That_ bads?”  
“Ja.” He could hardly believe he’d done those things, he’d hadn’t just killed the man, he’d destroyed him.

A tv was delivered, and Toki figured out the bed remote to prop himself up. Skwisgaar squeezed in beside him and they watched some cartoon he didn’t know the name of.  
Toki held onto him, and stole kisses when he could.  
“Toki? I knows you ams takings advantages of me while I feels sorry for you.”  
“I’s just workings with whats I gots. I takes better advantage of you when I feels better, okays?”  
Skwisgaar shook his head. “You don’ts wants me, reallies you don’ts.”  
“Yeah I does, I has for a really longs time.”  
“Jus’ gets better, Toki. Den we talks.”  
“Okays.” Toki snuggled a little closer and they went back to watching and waiting.

There would be time to work it all out later.


	3. Watching Eyes

The "doctor" who came to the door that morning didn't have his papers.  
Skwisgaar couldn't remember if he'd seen this guy before or not, but he knew they were all supposed to have papers. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe the danger wasn't over yet? The door was only cracked, but what if this guy shoved his way in? He was supposed to kill anyone who acted suspicious, but what if this was really just a doctor?  
Not knowing what else to do, he drew his gun and jabbed it into the man's stomach. He couldn't just pull the trigger, but fortunately the man stepped back into the hall and the hallway guard noticed the issue.

Gun drawn, the guard approached them. "On the floor, _now_!"  
The man, seeing two guns pointing at him, didn't even try to talk. He dropped obediently to his knees and then flat on the floor.  
The guard turned to Skwisgaar. "Get back in there and lock the door, I'll handle this." He was already cuffing the guy, who was putting up no resistance.  
With a nod, Skwisgaar retreated and locked the door again. Unsure what to do, he kept the gun in hand and stood facing the door. For the first time he was regretting placing himself here, he wasn't a gear, he had no training. He would be a poor defense if it really came down to it.

Toki was awake now. "What's happenings?"  
"I don'ts know, maybe not'ing. De guy don'ts has no papers, and... Fucks, I gots no damn idea what I ams doesing!"  
"Gives me the gun, you knows I's a way shot than yous." He slowly pushed himself into a sitting position.  
"No, and lays back downs." He knew Toki was indeed far better, but he was still recovering. They'd taken out the IV and had him on pills now, and they made him get up and walk a little every day even though it clearly hurt him to do it, but supposedly it was necessary. But Skwisgaar wasn't about to hand over the gun.

After what felt like forever but was probably only a few minutes, There was another knock at the door. Skwisgaar cracked it to find Charles and that very same man, so he probably really was a doctor after all. Oops?  
Charles brushed him aside and they entered. "Well Toki, sorry your medication is late. He won't forget his papers again."  
The doctor gave Toki his pills and did the other stuff they always did when they came in.  
Skwisgaar was standing back against the wall, trying to not attract attention. It made him nervous when Charles was there, and more so that Charles had thrown some very suspicious glances in his direction.

Once the doctor had finished and left the room, Charles turned to Skwisgaar. "You've been down here too long, I have your replacement on the way."  
Toki threw a fit, as well as he was able in his condition. "Noes! I likes this one, I wants to keeps him! You leaves him with me!"  
"I'm sure you'll like the new one too." He addressed Skwisgaar. "You may leave now, I'll stay until the new guard arrives. Go on."  
Not seeing any options, Skwisgaar nodded and left. He could hear Toki still complaining behind him, but there was nothing he could do. He headed for Jamie's room, they needed to switch back as soon as possible now.  
Once safely in the room, he made the call and waited.

It wasn't a long wait at all, they both knew the drill.  
"Jays, if he ams figures it all outs you has to blames me for everyt'ing, he can'ts be doesing anyt'ing to me. But he was looksing ats me funny, I can'ts tell if he ams knowings or nots. Now updates me."  
"I can handle that. And there's not much to tell, Nathan still wants to figure out those last tracks and I've still been stalling him. We were told that Tokii will be getting released in a few days, so he should be back up there soon."  
"Oh? Dat's good news." Nobody had told him anything, but of course why would they? He'd been just a gear to them all. He related what little news he had since their last phone call.  
They switched the necessary clothing items, and Skwisgaar headed up to resume his regular life.

*****

Charles had indeed recognized Jamie (so he thought) and he wasn't at all pleased. The guards were supposed to be changed every two days, and the paperwork said they had been, but now he wasn't so sure. He'd never really liked having Jamie around, but had always overlooked that as long as he did his job and kept a low profile. He was supposed to occasionally stand in for Skwisgaar in public, _that was all_. If he was going as far as to impersonate actual employees, that was just taking things way too far. It took a few minutes to find the number, although Jamie had a dethphone like everyone else he wasn't in the Klokateer directory and Charles had never actually called the man.

When Jamie got the call he headed to the office to get it over with, calling Skwisgaar on the way to let him know. Without disconnecting, he put his phone back on his belt so Skwisgaar could listen in and know where they stood, the backlight was set to go off in seconds on both their phones for this reason.  
Charles was waiting, sitting behind his desk in a manner that was supposed to intimidate. "Jamie, have a seat. I think you know why you're here."  
"Yes." He sat and waited, no point giving anything away until he knew how much the manager had figured out.  
"Where you there the entire time?" Reports said probably, but they had some genuine gears with a similar build.  
They hadn't had a chance to discuss that, so Jamie went with honesty. Well not really, considering it had been Skwisgaar, but with what would be seen as honesty. "Yes."

"You are not a Klokateer. You don't have any training. Do you even realize the danger you put Toki in?! We terminate employees for lesser offenses."  
Jamie was pretty sure what he meant by 'terminate' but chose to ignore that part. "Skwisgaar asked me to do it since you wouldn't let them be there. He wanted Toki to have a friend with him, and I was told the danger was past and the guard was merely a formality."  
"You need to remember your place! You stand if for Skwisgaar publically when he needs you to, and otherwise you stay out of the way. It's, ah, for your own good as well, accidents happen."  
"You're threatening me." It wasn't a question.  
"Yes, yes I am. You may go now."

Jamie got up and left the room without another word. Once a safe distance away, he picked his phone back up. "Well that went well."  
"I can'ts believe he does dat! You amns't his!" Skwisgaar was still mad about being removed from Toki's room, and now _this_.  
"I'm not yours either, but I know what you mean. Listen, I'm going to clear out for a while to let him calm down." He didn't _have_ to be Skwisgaar when he was off on his own, different clothes and a little denial went a long way. And he knew very well what could happen when the manager was displeased, friend of the band or not. That damn clown had got the worst of it over the years, and it was just too bad he hadn't taken out Magnus ahead of time. "Tell Toki I said hi."  
"Ja, okays. Has fun where ever you goes."

*****

They were working on the tracks, Skwisgaar had pretended to finally give in but he was actually happy for something to focus on besides the thoughts in his head. And it felt _so_ good to be able to wear his guitar again. They weren't recording yet, just getting the sound where they wanted. It was more important than usual this time, this song. It had to be right, if only they could figure out what 'right' was.  
But at the end of the day he was once again alone with his thoughts, and his thoughts were full of Toki. It was nice to be able to stretch out in his bed for a change instead of being cramped on the edge of that tiny hospital bed, but somehow he missed it. Or more accurately, he missed Toki. Down there behind a locked door where nobody knew who he was there had been no image to maintain, he'd been able to relax in a way he hadn't in years. It was similar to when he'd briefly returned to Sweden, but... different in a way he couldn't quite name.

He'd started the kissing because he really didn't mind and Toki wanted it, but he hadn't expected to enjoy it. After that first time he'd needed no prompting. He knew how Toki felt about him (that was nothing new) and he knew he probably shouldn't encourage that, but he wanted to do it anyway.  
And now he couldn't get it all out of his head. Toki, high on pain meds and making sexual jokes that weren't really jokes. Standing against the wall out of the way, studying Toki's body from under the safety of his hood as the nurses bathed him, and Toki knowing he was watching. Holding that body carefully close every night...  
He tried to kill the mental images with a handful of sluts, but the sex just left him feeling empty. It was just meaningless. It had _always_ been meaningless though, and that had never bothered him before.

*****

Toki was back, and Charles had called an immediate band meeting to explain the rules. It was easier than telling them all individually. "Toki is obviously back, but he still has some restrictions. I need all of you to be aware of them, and to not encourage him to do anything he shouldn't." He addressed Toki while they listened. "Toki, you are cleared to take showers, but they don't weant you soaking yet. That means no hot tub. Your medications will be delivered three times a day, take them as soon as you get them. Do not save any for Pickles no matter how many times he asks. Also, alcohol will interfere with some of them, so please limit your drinking." He gave the others a stern look. "Guys, don't encourage him to drink, that's not funny. He's doing surprisingly well, but he's not recovered yet and still needs to take it easy."

Nathan only had one question. "So can he play?"  
"Ah, I don't see why not as long as he sits in a chair to do it. Standing for any period of time would undoubtably be painful, and the weight of the guitar would only make it worse."  
"Playings in a chair's nots metal, this sucks!" Toki made a face.   
"Use a metal chair then, that would count, or wait until you've fully recovered."  
"Noooooooooooo we don't have time to wait!" There was some reason they were supposed to hurry, oh yeah the end of the world or something.  
Skwisgaar just nodded. "He uses de chairs."

Charles ended the meeting. He knew he'd have to remind them many times, they never listened to a word he said.  
"Well I think it'sch hot tub time!" Murderface got up and headed out, Nathan and Pickles right behind him.  
"Waits, I can't goes in there!"  
Nathan paused, seeming unsure what to do.  
"Pfft, goes on. I stays and shows him de new guitar parts." Skwisgaar waved dismissively and Nathan left the room.

"I don'ts want to learns parts rights now. I wants to goes lays down, still tireds all the damns time." Toki stood stiffly, clearly in some pain.  
"Ams you even supposeds to be walksing arounds much?"  
"Yeah, they keeps makings me gets up and does it every day since you leaves. They says I needs to does it but it's not funs."  
Slowly they made their way to Toki's room. He crawled onto his bed and carefully lay down, he'd figured out how _not_ to move but it was still tricky.  
Skwisgaar stood, unsure what to do. "I guess I needs to be showings you de new song."  
"Just plays it for me, I's not ups to playings rights now. I learns later, okays?"

Skwisgaar shrugged and did just that as Toki watched closely. "What's you thinks?"  
"Was you playings mine parts or yous?" He looked worried.  
"Mine, sorry. I hasn't actuallies wrote yours yet."  
"Oh goods." That shit had looked too hard! "Lays down with me?"  
Skwisgaar hesitated, even though they'd been lying around together a lot recently, now it felt different. He wasn't even sure why. Deciding he was being silly, and Toki was still hurt after all, he set his guitar aside and carefully lay down.

Toki snuggled tight against him like he always did, but Skwisgaar didn't automatically hold him. He didn't _want_ this to feel okay, not when nothing else seemed to. He didn't want it to be _Toki_ he wanted.  
But then Toki was kissing him and urging him to roll on top, and he was responding. Toki grabbed his ass, pressing thier hips tight and grinding up against him with a small moan, and somehow, it was suddenly all too much to deal with. Skwisgaar pushed himself up, holding his body away and hanging his head.  
Toki pushed the curtain of hair aside but he wouldn't look up. "What's the matters, Skwisgaar?"  
"I can'ts does dis. I ams sorry, but I can't does dis." He got up, grabbed his guitar, and left the room.

*****

Band practice had gone exceptionally well, considering. Toki didn't like playing in a chair but he could manage it okay, and was learning the part Skwisgaar had written for him. He'd had enough for the day though, and fortunately Nathan called an end to practice.  
One by one the others wandered out, and Toki waited to see if Skwisgaar would hurry after them or stay with him. He'd been 'too busy' to spend time with him these last few days, and Toki was tired of the bullshit. And it _was_ bullshit, he was sure of that.   
Finally they were alone in the studio. Toki leaned his guitar against his chair and stood up, Skwisgaar was just putting his down.  
Toki embraced him, reaching up for a kiss but Skwisgaar pulled away, throwing nervous glances at the door. "Um, nots here?"

This was exactly what he'd been afraid of, this happening. "I's not some fuckings toy for you to plays with whenevers you wants! You wants me just fine when we's alones and nobody knows who you's am, but you won'ts even kisses me where they might knows? You's a fuckings coward, Skwisgaar!"  
Skwisgaar opened his mouth to argue, but realized that he had nothing. Toki was right.  
"Fucks you. When you decided you's not afraids to kisses me in fronts of _everybodies_ , you lets me know."   
Toki turned and stalked out as well as he was able, leaving Skwisgaar alone to face his feelings.


	4. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skwisgaar works out issues in his head, with good results. And although it look like it could continue, this is indeed the end of this story.  
> I kind of cheated you out of the porn, sorry, but it wasn’t coming easy and I’m not going to half-ass it.

The next few days were very confusing for Skwisgaar.  
Toki seemed like the same old Toki he'd always been, it was if nothing had ever changed, like it all had been before the attack. Things _were_ different though, weren't they? Sometimes he wondered if he'd somehow imagined the whole thing, these long days and nights down in the hospital room, but the memories were far too real to be denied.  
Why couldn't he get it all out of his head? This wasn't fair, he hadn't asked for these feelings!

They were all sitting in the hot tub when Toki joined them, sinking down in the water with a happy sigh.  
"Heys, you amns't supposed to be in heres!" Those were the rules, right? What Charles had said?  
"I cans now, I gots no more restrictions." He grabbed one of the beers of the ledge and downed half of it, almost daring Skwisgaar to object.  
Skwisgaar, as he usually did when he didn't know what to do, focused on his guitar. He was very aware of Toki beside him, close but not touching. But even the guitar wasn't enough to block the feelings out, so mumbling some lame excuse, he got out and retreated to his room.

If only he could talk to someone about all this, but of course nobody could know. Well, he didn't want anybody to know.  
Then it occurred to him, somebody already knew. Jamie was at least aware of some things, mostly due to Toki telling him on the phone, and had probably figured out the rest. He also knew how to keep his mouth shut, so Skwisgaar called him.  
Jamie answered. "I hope you don't need me fast, because I'm nowhere close."  
"No, don'ts need you here. I jus' wants to asks you abouts somet'ing. What ams you up to anyways?"  
"Oh the usual, mostly just working my way through the local female population. But don't worry, nobody's here right now. So what's up?"

Skwisgaar took a minute to try to put it in words. "Well you sees... it ams Toki. You knows some t'ings wents on when he ams in de hospitals, but he ams acting like everyt'ing ams still jus' de sames!"  
"Well it is, for him."  
"What ams you meaning?" That didn’t even make sense, unless he was missing something big here.  
"It _is_ the same for him. He's had feelings for you for a long time and you just brush them aside, so yes, it's just like it was before."  
"No it's nots!"  
"Okay, calm down. Tell me what happened, what he said to you. I'll see if I can figure it out."

"He still wants kisses and... t'ings. Buts he don'ts even care if people sees us! He calleds me a cowards and tells me to lets him know when I's okay wit' kissings him in fronts of everybody."  
"I see. It looks like he's run out of patience with your games, how you'll kiss him every rare now and then and then pretend it never happened. Looks like he wants all or nothing now, and I guess it's your choice."   
"Waits, how does you know I ever kisses him befores?"  
"He's mentioned it, you know we talk. And it sounds to me like he's really gotten under your skin this time. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"  
"I never wanteds dis!"

"Skwisgaar, yeah you did. You've always had a thing for him, you've just kept denying it all these years."  
"Dat's bullshits! Tells me one proofs you has!"  
"That you're mad I even said it is proof enough, but think about how jealous you are. Hell, you even threatened to throw me out just for spending time with him and you know I'm as straight as it gets. I like him a lot, but never like that."  
"Dat was... Oh fucks, you ams right. I didn'ts mean for dis to happen t'ough, I really didn'ts."  
"So I repeat, what are you going to do about it?"  
"I has no idea. But t'anks, I guess, and has fun wherevers you ams."

Tossing the phone aside, he lay on his bed. Did Toki actually expect him to walk up in the middle of practice or something and kiss him right there in front of everybody? Knowing Toki, he probably _did_ expect that. The others would be shocked and horrified and... But nothing he tried would get Toki out of his head.  
Maybe this was why he'd brushed him aside for so long, maybe some deep part of his brain had realized the danger of getting close. But it was too late now.  
He supposed he'd get over it eventually, though it would be hard with seeing him every day. But part of him, maybe most of him, didn't want to get over it. That part only wanted more and more.  
It wasn't like he never fucked guys, just not that often. They meant nothing more to him than the endless parade of women he'd gone through in his life. Somehow he knew it would be different with Toki though, and that scared him. Pfft, Toki was right, he was a coward after all.

Just a kiss, that's all it would take. Every time they were all together it was on his mind, he knew it would have to be public or Toki wouldn't accept it. Just one, and then they could hide away from the world and do whatever they wanted. Well, whatever Toki would let him do anyway, which he expected would indeed be pretty much anything.  
Actually he was unsure if Toki had ever been with a guy, he was pretty private about who he fucked most of the time. They'd limited it to kissing and holding in the hospital, he'd been too afraid of hurting Toki to even suggest anything else so he had no real idea how such suggestions would be received.  
He'd made an attempt at practice but chickened out, making up some bullshit criticism to cover why he'd stopped things and approached Toki. It had actually hurt to see the hope in Toki's eyes turn off and grow cold, he couldn't try again until he was sure he could do it.

****

After two days of psyching himself up and going through every scenario he could imagine, he thought he was finally ready. All through practice he kept stealing glances, but Toki was focusing on his playing and never met his eyes.   
Finally they were through and the time was almost up, but still he couldn't act. If he couldn't do it today then he needed to give up and try to get over him instead, because this shit just wasn't tolerable. But it was so hard...  
They were walking to the door, Pickles was opening the door, there was no more time at all.  
"Waits!"  
They stopped and turned, it was now or never.

Stumbling a little from the effort it took to force his feet move, Skwisgaar closed the distance to where Toki sat. (He'd made it through half the practice on his feet, but then needed the break.) Taking a deep breath, he pulled Toki to his feet and kissed him on the lips. Just a little kiss, but he was hoping it would be enough.  
Toki was smiling up at him, all was good there. He dared to look toward the door, where nobody would meet his eyes. After a bit of awkward shuffling, they all decided to go be somewhere else and ran off.  
Skwisgaar stared after them, well what was done was done. "Oh boys." He felt Toki's arms wrap around him, and returned the embrace.  
"Don'ts worry, Skwisgaar, they gets useds to it. Now comes on!"

Toki took his hand and practically dragged him to his room, locking the door behind them. Giving Skwisgaar a push toward the small bed, Toki awkwardly removed his own shirt, it clearly hurt some to maneuver out of it. The fresh scars were still dark, but at least all the scabbing was gone now. Of course it was, they'd released him to use the hot tub again. Skwisgaar wasn't sure how much they could even do without causing pain, so he just waited.  
"Gets naked! That was nots fair in the hospitals, you never even takes you's shirt off!"  
Skwisgaar shrugged. "I hads to be ready to opens de door whenevers." But he went ahead and stripped, being naked was no big deal to him anyway.  
Toki had managed to get the rest of his clothes off. He pushed Skwisgaar to sit on the bed and climbed in his lap, straddling him and kissing him deeply, hands stroking exposed skin.

When prompted, Skwisgaar lay down and they maneuvered fully onto the bed. Toki was all over him, which was just fine except he could tell from the way he was holding himself that he must be in some pain. "Toki, stops. Lays down, I knows you ams hurtsing."  
"I don'ts care if it hurts! And I can'ts stops, I's waited forevers to gets you likes this!"  
"I promise dis amns't a one times t'ing, okay? Slows down, lays down, I amns't goings nowhere. Talks to me."  
With a sigh, Toki moved to lay close beside Skwisgaar, entwining their legs. "I just wants you so bad and I's waiteds _so_ long..."  
"I wants you too, but we amns't doesing _dat_ tonights, you gots to heals more first. But tells me, has you ever been wit' a guy before?"

He hesitated before answering. "Is it bads if I says yeah?"  
"No, wit' mine history I can'ts be judging anyone. I jus' wanted to knows if you knows what to expects. You knows, when we gets to dat parts."  
"Kinds of? It was only one times, just to sees what it was likes. I wasn'ts impresseds. But you knows I gots that toy..."  
"Ja, I remembers dat. You t'inks it ams a codpiece, dat was real funnies."  
"Skwisgaar, I knew whats it was and whys I buys it. I just lets you all thinks that, easier than hidings it."  
Good plan, it had never even occured to them that Toki had straight up bought himself a dildo right in front of everybody. "Ams it any goods?" He'd never bothered with toys, not when he could have pretty much anyone he wanted.  
"When I pretends it ams you, then yeah, pretty goods." He laughed at Skwisgaar's expression. "Don't look so suprises."

Skwisgaar was trying to remember the size of that thing, wondering if it was anywhere close. If so, and if Toki indeed knew how to use it...  
"Heys, I gets to ask questions here too. Does you fucks guys?"  
"Funny, I woulds had t'ought you woulds has ask Jays dat."  
"I dids, he says he only answers questions abouts him and I has to ask you insteads. So now I's aksings."  
"Ja I has, nots dat often t'ough. Mostly jus' when I's tryings to gets you out of mine head." He kissed Toki briefly. "Wow, I can'ts believe I jus' admits dat. And befores you ask, it never really workeds."  
"You coulds has just hads me, you knows, I's waiteds for you for so damn longs. Fucks, I finally gets you naked in mine bed and _still_ you's makings me wait!"

Skwisgaar rolled carefully on top of him. Toki tried to pull his legs up but froze when the movement stretched his sore back. "Straightens out and lays still, I don'ts wants you hurtsing."  
Toki didn't move. "Noes, I can'ts passes up this chance! Hurts me if you has to, but I wants to does it!"  
"No." Skwisgaar pushed his legs down and kissed him again, then propped his weight up on his elbows. "First we has to be talksing about some t'ings."  
"I don'ts wants to talk! I wants to fucks!" He squirmed a bit, but coudldn't do a lot with Skwiagaar's weigth pinning his lower body.  
"Oh believes me, I wants you too." He knew Toki could feel his erection. "But dere ams some t'ings I has to knows first. Tells me, _why_ does you wants me?"  
"Because... I just does, why's you care?"

Skwisgaar sighed. "Toki, looks. I ams no sex god, nots really, I's jus' a man. You gots all dese fantasies of me and I's afriad you's builds up such expectsations dat I can'ts be meeting dem. I needs to know dat you wants me for _me_ , nots for what you t'ink I ams. If we ams goings to does dis, it can'ts be meaningless. You understands?"  
Toki was quiet for too long, clearly thinking. Maybe this was good, maybe it wasn't.  
"I has never been de relationships type, but den I has never felts dis way abouts anybody before." Skwisgaar paused to meet his eyes. "I needs to know you amns't going to throws me out when you gets what you wants, is what I ams trying to says. Or when I fucks up, because I probabsly will, I has never done dis before."  
"You's worried I'll hurts you." Toki seemed slightly incredulous.  
"Ja, basically. Whats, you t'inks I amns't gots no feelings? Pfft."

Toki reached up, smiling, wrapping his arms tight and pulling flat on top of him, hugging him hard.  
A bit _too_ hard. "Oof, Toki..." He tried to push himself back up a bit. "You's still hurts, don'ts lets me smushes you..."  
"You's on my fronts, don'ts hurts mine back." He did let up a tad though. "I's always _knew_ when you says you hates me that you means something elses!"  
"Well, I did hates dat I couldn'ts ever gets you out of mine head, nots for long, no matters what I tries. I really hates dat."  
"And I hates that I wants you for so long and I can'ts has you. I hates that I was never goods enough to yous."  
"You ams too goods for me, Toki. Dat's why I tries to stays away from dese damn feelings, I tries to protects you froms me."  
"I's nots that good reallies." He had an odd expression. "Can I asks something else?"

"You can be asking me anyt'ing you wants."  
"When you fucks guys, does you... How does you does it?"  
"You means does I always does dem?" He waited for Toki's nod. "Nots always, depends on mine mood and de guy I picks."  
"Wowee, you lets guys fucks you while you thinks about me?! That's awesomes!"  
"Ja, but when you puts it likes dat..." Funny, he'd never thought about it quite that way before but it was true. "Which way ams you does it wit' dat guy you fucks, if you don'ts minds tellings me?"  
"I was goings to lets him so I coulds tried it for real but I chickens out and then he decides to lets me." He made a face. "His ass was kinds of hairy, I didn'ts like that much." He ran his hands over Skwisgaar's ass, squeezing it. "You's is nice, I really likes it."  
Skwisgaar knew he did indeed have a nice ass, so he didn't bother commenting. Instead he buried his face against Toki's neck, breathing his scent.

Toki tapped him on the shoulder. "Skwisgaar, can we does something now? I still really wants to fucks you, don'ts care if it hurts."   
" _I_ cares, dere will be times for dat when you heals more. I don'ts want to hurts you, Toki, it would hurts me to does dat. But don'ts be worrying, I knows somet'ing easy we can does. I gots to be able to uses mine hand t'ough." He shifed his weight but Toki grabbed him and hung on.  
"Noes, you's not gettings off me! Nevers!"  
Well, ‘never’ was a little unreasonable, but he understood. "Pfft, fines, we can uses yous hand insteads." It didn't really matter whose hand it was anyway.  
"Okays! What's I does?"  
"You gots to let me lifts up some for dis to work." Toki did. "Okay goods. Now reaches in between and grabs both our dicks."  
Toki happily obliged, wrapping his hand around them. "Don'ts we needs lube?"  
"We can if you wants, it makes it slippery but it makes it harders to holds on. We ams both not cuts, so it don'ts matter much for dis one ways or de udder."

Toki considered, he had quite a handful. "Just a little then, tops drawer?" Skwisgaar reached, popped the cap, and handed it over. Toki applied a small amount to both of them, and rewrapped them with his hand. "Okay, now whats?" So far this seemed a lot like plain old masturbation to him.  
In response, Skwisgaar began to move, sliding their dicks together. He smiled as Toki's expression changed to surprise, and then Toki was moving with him. "Takes it easy, lets me do most of de works."  
Toki had no intention of taking it easy. With his free hand, he grabbed a handful of hair and pulled Skwisgaar down for a kiss. Then that arm locked around his shoulders, holding tight.  
They wanted to draw it out, but they were both too hungry for it to be capable of that, and there was always next time...

*****

Hanging partly off the bed, Skwisgaar fished Toki's discarded shirt off the floor and used it to mop them both up.  
Toki opened his eyes when he felt the wiping. "Heys, why's you use mine shirt?"  
"Because dis ams yous room and you gots udder shirts here, I don'ts." He tossed it back to the floor and lay back down beside Toki. "And I didn'ts want to gets all de way up to gets a towel."  
"Good reasons." Toki snuggled close. "You can'ts leave, you has to stays all nights here!"  
"Ja, I plans on it. Maybe we uses mine bed next time t’ough, more rooms.”  
“Okays, as longs as you still holds me there.”

“Toki? Does you gots any idea how to explains dis to de udders? I ams pretty sure dey knows what we has been ups to since dey left.”  
“Why bothers explainings? You’s Skwisgaar, they needs you, nots like they would kicks you out over this.” He tapped Skwisgaar on the chest with one finger. “So’s you still goings to fucks goils sometimes?”  
He really hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. Give up women completely? That was asking a lot.  
But Toki wasn’t done yet. “I thinks I still will sometimes, I really likes tits and you don’ts got none. Unless you wants to gets some fake titties for me? I likes real ones better though.”  
“Godsdamnit, Toki, I’s not a ladies! No I will nots gets tits for you.” He wasn’t sure if Toki had been joking or not, but apparently women were still on the menu. That was a relief, in a way.

Toki snickered. “You’d looks really funnies if you dids! But the goils, I knows they don’ts mean nothings. If you gets a goilfriend, then I gots a problem with it. Or a boyfriends.”  
“Goods plan. And de sames back to you, okay? No more Ladymates?”  
“Oh fucks no, I’s never goings to that place agains! Goils is _all_ crazy, nots just the hot ones.” He’d never had to dive out of a high window because of one before, but he never wanted to do that again. He’d been damn lucky there had been a sturdy awning below to catch him, otherwise... he didn’t like to think about otherwise. He’d been on the ninth floor! But that was all over and he was safe here, right where he wanted to be.  
Toki was quiet long enough for Skwisgaar to think he might have fallen asleep, but that wasn’t the case.

"You knows what I wishes? That sometimes afters a show, we coulds just sneaks off and fucks like bunnies instead of doesing the stupid party."  
"Dat sounds pretty goods to me, let's does it next times."  
"We can'ts! All the damn sluts will misses us. Well not's really me, but they misses you for sures." He sighed. "So I guess we can'ts does it after alls, that sucks."  
"Pfft, we jus' takes Jays on tour wit' us, he can does de parties and we can sneaks off and nobody knows de differences.  
"Jamie would does that for us?"  
"A bunch of horny sluts dats wants to be all overs me? We woulds be doesing him a big favors.”

“So... We’s togethers now? You ands me, for reals?”  
“Ja, I warns you and warns you but you don’ts fucksing listens, now you ams stuck wit’ me.”  
“Skwisgaar? I’s glad I gots stabs and kidnappeds if that’s what it took to finally gets you.”  
“Fucks, Toki! Don’t says dose t’ings!” It was probably true, which only made it worse. “I ams sorry you hads to go t’rough dat, I really ams.”  
“Don’ts matter now.” Toki shifted slightly, getting more comfortable. “Don’ts you dare disappears while I’s alseep.”  
“Nots plannings on it.”

And it was the best night’s sleep either of them had in a very long time.


End file.
